VULNERABILITY PT 3: EVERY BIT OF ME

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Being vulnerable is knowing how to let go. And boy, did I. 

I've always, and I mean always, had body issues. Growing up, I had this random extra roll underneath my belly button that made me so self-conscious. It always bothered me that my friends all had flat tummies and I had this random pouch. It got to the point where sucking in my stomach was an everyday habit... still is. But then, I got boobs. At first, I loved them but I started overcompensating to hide my stomach - by flaunting the shit out of these high school tits. Yeah, classy. I always analyzed my peers' bodies, like, "How come I don't look like that?" "She's so tall and thin, wtf is wrong with me?" etc. It was so self-distructive but I truly couldn't help it. I wanted desperately to look like someone else, or at least have a body other than my own. But really, there wasn't a damn thing wrong with my 15-year-old, awkward body.

Then I became a woman. Like, a grown ass woman.  Shit changed.

I started to embrace my size, my shape, my color, my flaws. I started to love that I had back dimples and rolls and thick thighs and breasts. I loved the fact that my figure felt womanly and that was reconfirmed every single time hands other than my own were touching me.

I love how I feel in my skin now so when Emma and I decided to shoot, I knew I wanted to expose, express and share what I'm proud of. She did an amazing job with capturing exactly that. Shit, she's probably the first photographer who's ever seen my nip tits. Well, her and now, the internet. #heygirlhey

Today, I still analyze bodies but only because I'm so fascinated by them; how different we all look, how awesome everyone's individual package is. There are days where I know I want to be fit, more toned, eat healthier, breathe better but who doesn't know those things? Right now, I'm satisfied with my womanly look. Thank goodness for my hips, my curves, my ever-growing stretch marks. 

I'm proud of who I am, what I look like and all the wonderful parts of being a woman. I hope you are too.

Tell me: what are you proud of?  What are you self-conscious about? I'd like to think that my blog is the best place to voice it because shit, I'm listening. 

 

Read more from the Vulnerability Series

Christina Topacio

Los Angeles, CA

A life with style blog, dedicated to giving you direct sassness and satire, every week of the year.