Women, we are planners. We're constantly boggling our minds over our next step or our next venture, littering our minds with things that are inevitably unpredictable. I believe the more you plan for the outcome of every single thing, the more frustrated you'll be when it doesn't happen. I strongly believe in living in the moment unless it's majorly life-altering, then take some time to think. This way of thinking can be used in most scenarios in life but I'm specifically talking about relationships and dating. I swear, the moment you expect a man to be something, is the moment you'll find it will never that way.
I can attest to the fact that I wanted my boyfriend at the time to be something he just wouldn't be. I loved him for who he was but I knew in the back of mind, I wanted something that wasn't fair of me to expect of him. I wanted him to have a more "proper" attitude in front of company and I wanted him to have a more pretentious job. How could I ask that of any man? It's too much of an expectation. A man will never be happy if you subject your ideas of how a man should be or how a man should act.
Top Five Ways To Stop Expecting
- Go into any relationship or any dating scenario expecting nothing. I know that may seem wrong in some minds but seriously, the moment you start expecting him to be this romantic guy or wanting to get swept off your feet, is the moment you'll be disappointed. No guy wants to live up to what you hope him to be. I'm not saying lower your standards-I'm saying alter how you view your expectations. No person is perfect-NO ONE.
- If he brings up his hopes and/or dreams, don't bring it up months later asking what happened to that. People are going to do things the way they want. What people don't want, is another mother. You see what I'm saying? How would you feel if he kept pestering you about opening up that store you've spoke about doing 6 months ago instead of working as a copywriter? You'd probably tell him to shut the hell up. Let him do things his way and if those hopes and dreams never happen, don't speak on it. (These conditions are a bit different if you're married. If it's damaging the way you both live and risking your financials, then you absolutely have a place to say something.)
- If he isn't the man you like when you first meet him, don't bother being with him. Men won't change unless they want to. Women, we're more susceptible to change so you should think that if we can, they can. Men are different in the sense that they may change it to make you happy for a few days, a few weeks, but guaranteed the fool will be right back to what you don't want. So you either accept him for who he is or don't bother wasting your time.
- Don't compare him to ANYONE. I remember I used to compare my boyfriend at the time to my friend's boyfriends, thinking he can be like that if I do this. It was a terrible expectation. You'll make him feel useless and undervalued. Like/love him for who he is not for what you wish he'd be or hope to become.
- Don't expect him to your bitch. I've known so many people that drag their boyfriends, dates and so on to shit they just don't want to be a part of. (unless what you're dragging him to is his type of thing.) Most men don't want to go to a party that is all females (I've done it before, it's no fun for both parties). "Hold my purse.", "Take my picture.", "Could you get the car?"-do these sound familiar? I mean, don't get me wrong, men should do this for you if it's a safety issue like getting into a brawl, Channing Tatum is walking down the sidewalk or the car is in a dark alley but other than that, be a grown person and do it all yourself. No guy wants to go to an event, party, social gathering of any kind if he's there to be your bitch.